Dear Fear

Published June 15, 2015 by hauntedangel0908

Dear Fear,

How are you doing today without me hanging onto every letter that spells your name? Without your control hanging onto me like a child scared of the Babadok at night before bedtime.  Are your days bright like mines are now without you standing by my side?  Are you out searching for your new victim like a pedophile at the park around the way? I know your mad and perplexed on how I could just wake up one day and drop you like a bad habit without breaking sweat.  Or that I haven’t come running back to you because I’m not scared anymore of what may happen from one moment to the next.  That I have embraced the feeling of unknowing like a new passionate lover on that very first time together that I got completely lost in them. You have no place in my life anymore and now you know how it feels to Fear my loss.  That cold, dark emptiness that you had me trapped in for all these years. Are you shocked and overwhelmed with how you can feel what you have made me and countless others feel for so many years of our life.  That suffocating feeling as if someone’s hand is over your mouth and around your throat as you both watch that last breath escape.  Finally realizing that Fear of the impossibility for joy, my dreams and fairy tale love aren’t just a kiss away from death. You are a feeling I won’t allow myself to indulge in any longer as if you are the world greatest chocolate.  Lord knows that is my weakness but you will not be mines ever again.  For what is the death of you Fear, is the beginning of a new, bright-eyed and beautiful Life for me!  Fear does not live here anymore, even when my angels are greeting me to my next level of existence from this physical plane. You will not even be on the list of things I feel in my last moments before I go on my new spiritual journey. I will not let you, Fear, insecurity, self abuse of my body, mind and spirit along with the same abuse from others to continue to rule my life from this day forth. I am taking everything that means the most to me, my daughters, my family, my life. I am pushing them all down & deep into me. I will then push it all out into my fist and I will fight, as if it is the last fight of my life. And if you cross my path again I will fight and stomp you and your name out of existence!

 Well, it’s getting to a point that my keyboard won’t allow me to type your name anymore as if you never existed in anyone’s vocabulary including mines. So this is where I say goodbye to you and pray that others will have the strength to do the same. I wish you nothing but positive love and light surrounding you that will eradicate your name from ever touching another’s lips again.  It is time for us to part ways, you can gain your strength from the many you continue to make weak and fall to your feet. Because they no longer have the strength to stand on them on their own. However, I have strength for us all until they will be able to do it themselves. I will no longer be broken by you, Fear, so this where I say Goodbye!

 

Blessed Love and light,

Haunted Angel

Man in the Mirror

Published June 25, 2014 by hauntedangel0908

I was so nervous to write this because there are so many “critics” and “scholars” that make you want to run and flee because they have read a few books or watched Paranormal Activity 20 times. Nonetheless, I have decided I don’t care what anyone says; unless you have walked an inch in mines and my family’s shoes then you shouldn’t speak on what is real and what isn’t. As I have gotten older I have learned no matter what it is you are trying to run from; you will always have to deal with it head on first. No matter what so you can ever truly move on and forward in a positive direction in your life. No matter what it is, be it your own living demons or your spiritual demons, you can run as far and as fast you can they will always find you.  That is one of the reasons why I haven’t moved out yet because I have to deal with all of mines and the demons that reside within these walls. Before I can actually move on anywhere else or let anyone else move in here after we leave.

From day one I knew my home was haunted but it has increased over the years tenfold. I found out a couple years ago who 2 of the spirits were that reside in my house. Which are an elderly brother and sister that moved here to get away from an area that is high in crime.  The 1st sad thing about this is that they lost their lives in a place they thought would protect them from this exact outcome.  As well as these murders happened over 30 years ago and it still sits in the cold case files. Unfortunately, since the brother leaves and comes back, it has opened a portal in my oldest daughters’ room. So now this super-highway for the dead that they have opened makes it easier for other spirits including the negative ones to come through. Not only are the brother and sister here almost constantly, I also have 2 little girls, one is Asian and the other is white girl who both love playing with my daughters toys and her sometimes. My grandparents come through but (I say this sarcastically) my personal favorite is my ghostly stalker, the man that I believe is the person that killed the brother and sister. He is who I am going to tell you about in this story. I have a lot of stories I will be sharing with you and a lot pics and video to back up my experiences.

I want to say first that this is not a story about Michael Jackson or his ghost. But of a man that is more sinister & preys on the living still after he died. Since I have been living here I have been groped more by the dead than I have in all the years of my life by the living.  The more the activity picks up the more uncomfortable I feel like being naked or wearing anything that may bring on being groped. I will be standing somewhere in my house and I can feel someone touching my butt. Or at night when I am sleeping I can feel someone rubbing up and down on my legs. And if I am lying with my back facing the edge of the bed I can feel this tickling sensation on my lower back. I finally had to tell them to stop touching me which it has cut down but not completely. I can also feel if they are hovering over me or rubbing my head while I am sleeping. Because when they do I get this tickling sensation from my brain and once I fan it away it stops. I am constantly feeling like I am always being watched but I have no idea who it is. Not like that matters but it’s worse than having the living stare at you. Because at least you say something to them but you’re just S.O.L. when it comes to the dead. Most importantly, I will say, I will not allow them to put fear in my heart because I fear no man or woman dead or alive. And I always let them know it whenever they do cross the line. Even though, crossing the line they will try but I have to stay strong and firm especially for my daughters and myself being that I am a single mom.

My 2 older daughters finally started to open up to me about seeing ghost because they knew I wouldn’t think they were crazy. But my oldest said she has woken up to seeing him just staring at her. As well as. He is standing in the master bathroom doorway watching her when she takes a shower.  I must say I don’t want to here but until I can to afford to move this will remain my sanctuary. No matter who or what steps through from the other side I still take comfort that I have God and my angels protecting us. The creepiest part is my 13 year said she has been seeing a man just standing in my doorway just watching me. There was one time I had gone out for my birthday and after I came home my 2 youngest daughters and my niece who was babysitting for me, all climbed in my bed. And we decided to stay up and put on scary movies, yes I am the horror movie crack head & damn proud of it, and we all ended up falling asleep in my bed. Well that morning my 13 year old said when she woke up that morning she saw that same man standing next to my bed just watching me sleep. And when he saw that she saw him he just put his finger up to his lips and made a shhhhing motion and just disappeared.

My 3 year old also refuses to keep my bedroom door open when we’re in there. She always says the scary man is going to get her but I always reassure her he won’t because we are protected. One night I was in my bathroom smoking because that is the only room I try to only smoke in and my 3 year old was in my room playing. I heard her go out in the family room to get a toy but she never made to the toy because He was in the hallway. As she came running back into my room, tried to close the door and ran into the bathroom, which she knows she can’t come in if I’m smoking. But it is not like it really matters because she doesn’t listen to me for Sugar Honey Iced Tea! She then wrapped her arms around my legs shaking, buried her face into butt which I was afraid would swallow her up and suffocate her before she can tell what was wrong. I had to ask her to repeat it a couple times so she finally took her face out my butt and I finally got the drift.  While so far up in my ba’dunkadunk she could see my tonsils, in a muffled voice she told me the scary man is at my door and that he had chased her into my room. When I looked out the bathroom I told her I didn’t see anything so I asked her is he still out there. She lets go of my legs, slowly peeks around my dresser and said he’s gone mom-mom. They try to scare her a lot and that day I was fed up with it, I warned them all about that before. So I went through my house going off on the spirits or him mainly.  Which to an outsider this may have come off as looking crazy or as a verbally abusive mother to some that may over hear outside because I am basically yelling at nothing.  As I am yelling “Don’t make me get my holy water on you! Because I will send you back to hell you cowards for messing with my daughters!”

For the most part it has worked because he makes sure he is not seen by me, only by my daughters. Which that bothers me more than him letting me see him I would rather that then seeing my daughter’s scared. But it hasn’t stopped him from being heard and still doing things.  There was one time a couple months ago that sounded as if someone was jiggling my door knob to open it and the sound of it opening. However it never open and then I heard him slam the door after he was in. So as I’m listening to this with my eyes peeking over the covers and I hear this evil chuckle. That was it for me I threw the covers over my head and said I’m going to sleep. As I was laying there for what felt like forever trying to make myself to go to sleep; I decided to look over the blankets and that’s when I see the bottom half of him turn towards my brick wall and walk through it which is my neighbor’s master bedrooms closet.

Now to the real reason for this story which is short and sweet.  This last happened on a Sunday night and I could feel someone watching me like their eyes were burning all the way to my soul. However, I wasn’t scared I felt protected and safe so I pulled out my phone and started taking pictures. So after I went through the pics I can see in one pic ectoplasm and the second I see a head and its staring at me. But as I look at the picture where I am taking the pic you can see this white aura around the top part of my body. So this just confirmed whatever is dark in this house I am surrounded and protected by light. My question is why did he show himself now? Or maybe he didn’t plan on getting caught, I don’t but since he has he is not being shy anymore. Although I haven’t caught him in a pic since then I still get glimpses of something moving just barely out of my field of vision. The best way I can explain it is why image moving past me. One night I was getting ready to lie down in my bed and not even 30 seconds after my right ear was on my pillow. I hear this male voice speak into my ear really loud saying” Hey I wouldn’t do that!” I jumped out of my bed freaked out and shaking, pulling the covers off the bed. It felt as real as me and u right now. Well slept on my back that night and I never sleep on back because it causes me a lot of low back pain. There is so much more but those stories are for another time.

There will be more stories, pictures and videos for you to read, get freaked out about and enjoy.  Thank you for beginning this awesome journey through the haunted house that is my life! Can’t wait to share more and feel like I am not through it alone anymore! Here is the picture I was telling you about for you to see that it’s real! I will let you see what I am saying before I point anything out to you. I feel it is more genuine that way.

Do you see what I see?

Do you see what I see?

It takes a real Man…

Published June 16, 2014 by hauntedangel0908

Any boy can donate sperm and 9 months later not even bother

But it takes a Real  Man to be a husband and a child’s father

Any boy can sleep with a woman and say that he didn’t

But it takes a Real Man to admit it and make a solid committment

We are hearing the phrase more often than we should “He’s jus my baby’s father”

We  hear this phrase from people we know, our mothers’, sisters’ and daughters’

When will these boys grow-up and realize making a child isn’t a game

Is the reason that they do it  because their daddy’s did the same

Our children are hearing one pathetic and weak excuse after another

But what they need to see is the union of a father and a mother

It’s getting even worse, somehow we need to find a better way

If we stick together we will  build a strong and beautiful family that prays

When will we realize the thoughtless, unnecessary damage we have done

Our kids grow-up so fast before we know it their whole childhood is gone

We are teaching our young men it’s okay to get someone pregnant and when it gets real, just run

Instead of sticking it out, there’s no need to fight, it doesn’t matter who’s right or who won

So I will say again, any boy can donate sperm and 9 months later not even bother

But it takes a Real Man to be my husband and my daughters’ father

By Me

It takes more than paving the way to be a father…

Published June 16, 2014 by hauntedangel0908

After celebrating and having a great father’s day with my own dad.  My heart breaks for my daughters’ that aren’t celebrating this day with their own dads. With that being said, the countless number of children spending Father’s Day with their mom’s. Or even better yet don’t even see a reason to celebrate the day at all.  Although I didn’t have the best childhood and most of the time I prayed my parents would divorce.  Now being a parent myself and seeing how my daughter’s father’s aren’t around I see how blessed I am to grow up with my father. As well as, if I ever need him for anything I always know he is just a phone call away. Which is a lot more than my daughters can say on any given day.

So back to my charming dad, who is a controlling, womanizing, disrespectful and sometimes an abusive ass. Although the physical abuse ended once I grew up he can still be verbally and mentally abusive at times. However, at the end of the day he was there every day with that iron fist.  That being said, I love him despite it all because he is the only dad I will ever have for one. And secondly, I truly believe he has remorse for the things he has done and does. Honestly, I don’t think he could control it before it happened even if he tried. Now that I have grown up a lot of the things I questioned and even hated him for I can now understand why. Even though none of it is excusable it is forgivable at least for me.  Being a parent is such a hard job and a lot of it is trial and error. We learn how we want to raise our kids from our parents. Then we choose to continue to do what our parents did or try something different.  . Or on the other hand we completely just fuck it all up and never look back!

As I watched my dad tearfully read all his cards and open  his gifts; I wondered to myself will these be words my daughters’ will ever be able to say to and about their own dad’s? With my oldest I know that will never happen because she is the product of a rape.  This is something that eats me up inside every day like incurable cancer.  All I can do is pray for my youngest two that someday they will have a better relationship with their dad’s.  Even though their dads’ are not around and the gnawing teeth of anger and disgust are tearing away at every fiber of my being. I will never bad mouth their lack participation in front of my girls. I feel they have to come to the decision on and what kind of relationship they want with their dad. In addition to, be able to find their own road to forgiveness and love no matter what their dad’s do in the long run.

However, the constant man that will be in their lives if my father. He begrudgingly at first helped my mom raise my nieces and he has been the father figure in my daughters’ lives as well.  They still had my two brothers to raise when they took in those three little girls. Which for them was basically starting all over again; which was so hard and unfair to them. But they did it without a second thought and I love him even more for it. He has never done or said any of the things he has done to me growing up.  He has treated my daughter’s like his little princesses and I thank God for that every day!  If he hadn’t there would be no relationship between us because that was cycle I had to break. As far as my nieces go I wish I could say the same thing. Although we joke about having PTSD from it there is a sad realization that it is probably true. At times we find ourselves waking up from a deep sleep yelling “Yes sir!” Only to find ourselves alone in our beds and my dad nowhere in sight.  Or waking up drenched in my sweat from one of my many nightmares I have because of it. Yes he has that effect on you even though it’s been almost twenty years since I lived at home.

I leave you with this, regardless of what my dad did as I was growing up he was a man that proved it took more than paving the road to be a father! In the same breath I can honestly say I love, admire and respect my dad for that. Which is a lot more than my daughters and many other children can say on Father’s Day!